EmAnEsCeNcE

Terminologies

2006-12-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

* Frienefits - Friends with benefits

* Frienemies - with friends like these, who needs enemies

* Chorvah - isang space filler, example "I like you because your kind, sweet and...and...and... chorvah"

2006-12-22T02:40:00.000-08:00

please support my friend Jan Manual sa Starstruck3 the next level.

2006-12-21T00:47:00.000-08:00

I had nothing to do so i went to UP Diliman (my school) and took a picture of the famous UP Sunken Garden, damn I miss UP!. Here are some photos, hope you like it.

Mga nakakatawang Vandals sa UP

2006-12-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

ARTS & SCIENCES (AS):

AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
"push button to kill teacher."
"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"

AS 1st floor CR uli:
"Im a simple gay "
tapos may sumagot
"sira! Dapat 'Im simple and gay!' Taga peyups ka ba? duh! "
tapos may sumagot (with matching arrow pa na nakaturo dun sa reply)
"sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used as a noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay nya!"

AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing gum na pagdidikitan. ...

AS chair :
"you know bobo? bobo is you!"

AS 1st floor CR:
"if you forget the past, then you porget the purious.."

MATH:
sa CR sa may Math building:
"SUMAPI SA NPA!"
may sumagot:
"PAANO?"
may sumagot pa:
"MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROP BOX SA SUKING TINDAHAN!"

sa likod ng isang "teacher's chair" sa 3 rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"

sa Math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli:
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
may nag-reply:
"find x."

sa Math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
"F*CK DA WORLD! "
tas may sumagot:
"F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD"

3rd floor Math CR:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi,
paki PLUS mo naman, hehehe."

FINE ARTS:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
....all written by different people.

CHEM:

Chem chair:
"push button to spray acid on prof's face."

Another Chem chair:
"You Boron!!!"

BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher."

FO Santos:
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO... bawal."

ENG'G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng bayan!"
reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."

GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
"takas ng ward 7"

UP INTEGRATED SCHOOL

....sa loob ng music room.
"maam _______(music prof) boses palaka!"
tas may sumagot
" nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka "
tas may sumagot uli
"weh"
tas may nag-react uli
"oo, sabi kokak!kokak!"

VINZONS:
Wall ng Vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competition."

men's cr sa Vinzon's:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are the same hands that cook your food."
men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can read this, the fire department wants you!"

NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"

MAIN LIB
sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
"UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka taga UP"

KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"

SHOPPING CENTER:
sa labas ng PNB:
" in case of emergency break ass and push butt"

sa girls' CR:
"Bawal ang vandal dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin"

sa girls' CR uli:
"My boyfriend and I had sex and now I'm pregnant"
reply:
" Pray to God"

nakakatawa lang

2006-12-16T06:21:00.000-08:00

japanese pranks2

2006-12-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

japanese pranks

2006-12-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

Fact Facts

2006-12-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains

Polar bears are left-handed.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Funny Things heard sa Game Show

2006-12-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

from laban o bawi ulit:

joey: sinong cartoon character na aso ang kaibigan ni donald duck? clue: may dalawang "O" ang pangalan niya.
buzz!!!
contestant #1: MICKEY MOUSE!!!
joey: spell mickey mouse?
contestant #1: m-i-c-k-e-y m-O-O-s-e???
joey: mali!
buzz!!!
contestant #2: SNOOPY!!

joey: saang nobela galing ang mga characters na sina alladin at flerida?
contestant: uuuhhh... ALLADIN IN WONDERLAND?

joey: sinong pari ang kasama nila padre burgos at zamora na ginarote sa bagumbayan noong (i forgot what year)?
sagot: PADRE DAMASO?

+++++

Here are some of "The Weakest Link" spoofs!!! you'll die laughing
Edu: saang movie matatagpuan ang phrase na
"yabadabadoo"?
Allan: Scoobydoo

Edu : ano ang tagalog ng sideburns?
contestant : IBON!

Edu: Anong ibig sabihin ng IQ?
Jeffrey Quizon: Ahh...Intelligence Quotation?!?

Edu: Saan sa Espanya si Don Quixote?
Chico: Sa Espanya

Edu: ano ang ibig sabihin ng charlatan?
nagmamaang-maangan o nagmamarunong
contestant: can you repeat the question?
Edu: (repeats the Q)
contestant: (pauses a while) yes?
*eto yata yung CSB na kalbo

Edu: Ilan ang numero ng PLDT landline?
Estong: 3!
Edu: Estong, san ka ba tumatawag, sa 114?
Edu: Ilan ang letters of the Filipino Alphabet?
Miles (DJ): 36!

Edu : Saan matatagpuan ang Taj Mahal?
Angelu : Malaysia..
actually...MALAYSIA lang ata ang alam na bansa ni
angelu...kasi tinanong din sya kung saang bansa
nanggaling ang mahabharata (kung ano man ang ispeling
nun) ... eh sa MALAYSIA din daw yun nagoriginate!
lintek ... itapon na nga yan sa MALAYSIA

Edu: ano sa tagalog ang albino?
mo: ahh.. maputi?

Edu: ilan lahat ang continents?
contestant: 72?

Edu: ano ang pinakamataas na position sa baranggay?
jeremie (dunno if this is the right name, don't knowwho she is eh): congressman!

Edu: Kung ang sunrise ay ang pagtaas ng araw, ano naman ang sunset?
Buddy: Ahh... Pass

Edu: Pang-ilang Newton's Law ang nagsasabing For every
action, there's an equal and opposite reaction ?
Contestant (Jeremie?): (nag-isip pa ng konti)....>> 12th?

interview with cho (from miriam college) after mavote-off:
Cho: si Andrew hindi mukhang estudyante, mukha siyang tatay!
*sya yun! yung taga-CSB

Edu: ano ang susunod na linya sa "leron leron sinta"?
Marco Sison: "nabali ang sanga"

Edu: Ano sa tagalog ang tamarind
contestant (Butch, writer): tamarindo

EDU : Kung ang stepfather ay amain, ano naman ang stepmother?
Cel: (pauses and thinks) ah... INAHIN?

Edu: anong sea creature and kalahating kabayo at kalahating isda?
contestant: (daw!!!) syokoy!!!!

edu: ano ang 6 squared?
girl from UST(with matching emote):uhmm. . . 3?

Edu: Ano ang tawag sa arithmetic na ginagamitan ng symbols?
Rico: China!
edu: ano ang pangalan ng crab sa Little Mermaid?
contestant: um...(thinks hard, gets desperate) crabby?

Edu: Ano ang tawag sa plastik na lalagyan ng basura?
Contestant: Plastik Bag na nilalagyan ng basura?

Edu: Sa Pilipinas, ano ang rehiyon na CAR?
Contestant: Kotse

EDU: Sino ang nagpapa VASECTOMY; Lalake o Babae? Contestant: Babae
Edu, kung ang asawa mo sasabihin sa yo na nag pa
vasectomy siya, mag duda ka na!

Head-to-Head
Edu: Sino ang sumulat ng The Old Man and The Sea?
UP Guy, Mark: Ernest Hemmingway
Edu: That is a correct answer.
Edu: Sino ang author ng The Crucible?
DLSU Guy, Andrew(yung sabi ni Cho na "kalbong mukhang>> tatay"):
Umm..i dunno..Ernest Hemmingway?
..wala ba siyang kilalang ibang author?

Edu: Ano ang liquid na lumalabas sa katawan kapag naiinitan?
Contestant: tears?
Edu: anong B ang sinusuot ng mga kalalakihan lang na
pambaba?
Contestant: [isip pa matagal] uhh jeans?

Edu: kelan nagsisimula ang "ber" months
Contestant: Pass
*Later*
Edu: Hindi mo ba alam kung kelan ang "ber" months?
Contestant: Akala ko kasi BEAR months

Edu: Anong tawag sa taong walang suot sa paa?
Contestant: SLIPPERLESS!

Edu: Kung ang sa lalaki ay fraternity, ano naman ang sa babae?
Zaldy: Maternity

at ang pinakasikat...
Edu: Kung ang AKLATan ay LIBRARY, ano naman ang ALAKdan?
Sir Gaylord: WINEry!!!!

dugtong...
Edu: Ilan ang members ng backstreet boys?
Sir Gaylord: (Isip ng malalim) 6 (si Sir ang pang-anim)

EDU: ilang unggoy ang miyembro ng bandang "the monkey"?
CONTESTANT: lima!

EDU: sino ang bodabil queen ng pilipinas?
CONTESTANT: nova villa

EDU: ilan ang paa ni spiderman?
CONTESTANT: walo

EDU: kapag 6:30a.m., anong unit of measurement ang 30? CONTESTANT: a.m.

at ang pinakamatindi...
EDU: ano ang mas maliit-- itlog ng pugo o anak ng tao?
CONTESTANT: anak ng tao
(after the questions were over)
EDU: bakit mo naman nasabing mas maliit ang anak ng tao sa itlog ng pugo?
CONTESTANT: ang dinig ko po, itlog ng tao.

The Self Serving Bitch strikes again!!!

2006-12-14T06:51:00.000-08:00

Sobrang nakakairita kung makakarinig ka ng balita tungkol sa isang brahang ewan na nagrereklamo, tapos dinamay pa buong class namin para daw mag petition ek-ek.... tapos ngayong nakuha na nya gusto nya, binaliktad nya lahat!

Kesyo fair naman pala itong taong ito or something like that. Ngayon, nasan na sinasabi nyang justice? Sa kanya oo! pero sa iba nasan?

Iniwan na nya yung mga dinamy nya sa petition ek-ek nya! Ang mga ganitong tao ay walang patutunguhan, puro sarili iniintindi.

P.S. Wag ka naman feeling, hindi lahat ng lalaki nagkakagusto sayo..... di ba? nemfa hehehe

Matter of Taste

2006-12-12T17:29:00.000-08:00

Following is a from a British journalist stationed in the Philippines .
The observations are so hilarious!!!. This was written in 1999.

Good reading. Go back to your perceived heritage, culture, traditions,
beliefs, usages and see how the foreign guys think about it.

Matter of Taste
By Matthew Sutherland

I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself
in most respects well assimilated. However, there is one key step on the
road to full assimilation, which I have yet to take, and that's to eat
BALUT.

The day any of you sees me eating balut, please call immigration and
ask them to issue me a Filipino passport. Because at that point there
will be no turning back. BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant
non-Pinoys out there, is a fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with
salt in a piece of newspaper, much like the English fish and chips, by
street vendors usually after dark, presumably so you can't see how gross
it is.

It's meant to be an aphrodisiac, although I can't imagine anything more
likely to dispel sexual desire than crunching on a partially formed baby
duck swimming in noxious fluid. The embryo in the egg comes in varying
degrees of development, but basically it is not considered macho to eat
one without fully discernible feathers, beak, and claws. Some say these
crunchy bits are the best. Others prefer just to drink the so-called
'soup", the vile, pungent liquid that surrounds the aforementioned
feathery fetus.excuse me; I have to go and throw up now. I'll be back in
a minute.

Food dominates the life of the Filipino, People here just love to eat.

They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are
called in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda, merienda y cenda,
dinner, bedtime snacks and no-one-saw-me-take-that-cookie-from-the
fridge-so-it-doesn't-count.

The short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating Sky Flakes
from the open packet that sits on every desktop. You're never far from
food in the Philippines . If you doubt this, next time you're driving
home from work, try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing
food and I don't mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean
a man on the sidewalk frying fish balls, or a man walking through traffic
selling nuts or candy. I bet it's less than one minute.

Here are some other things I've noticed about food in the Philippines :

Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice - even breakfast. In the UK
, I could go a whole year without eating rice. Second, it's impossible
to drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel just isn't the same
without gambas or beef tapa. Third, no one ventures more than two paces
from their house without baon (food in small container) and a container
of something cold to drink. You might as well ask a Filipino to leave
home without his pants on. And lastly, where I come from, you eat with a
knife and fork. Here, you eat with a spoon and fork. You try eating
rice swimming in fish sauce with a knife.

One really nice thing about Filipino food culture is that people always
ask you to SHARE their food. In my office, if you catch anyone attacking
their baon, they will always go, "Sir! KAIN TAYO!" (Let's eat!). This
confused me, until I realized that they didn't actually expect me to sit
down and start munching on their boneless bangus. In fact, the polite
response is something like, "No thanks, I just ate." But the principle
is sound - if you have food on your plate, you are expected to share it,
however hungry you are, with those who may be even hungrier. I think
that's great!

In fact, this is frequently even taken one step further. Many
Filipinos use "Have you eaten yet?" ("KUMAIN KA NA?") as a general
greeting, irrespective of time of day or location.

Some foreigners think Filipino food is fairly dull compared to other
Asian cuisines. Actually lots of it is very good: Spicy dishes like
Bicol Express (strange a dish named after a train); anything cooked with
coconut milk; anything KINILIAW; and anything ADOBO. And it's hard to
beat the sheer wanton, cholesterolic frenzy of a good old fashioned
LECHON de leche (roast pig) feast. Dig a pit, light a fire, add 50
pounds of animal fat on a stick, and cook until crisp. Mmm, mmm.You can
actually feel your arteries constricting with each successive mouthful.

I also share one key Pinoy trait --- a sweet tooth. I am thus the only
foreigner I know who does not complain about sweet bread, sweet burgers,
sweet spaghetti, sweet banana ketchup, and so on. I am a man who likes
to put jam on his pizza. Try it!

It's the weird food you want to avoid. In addition to duck fetus in
the half-shell, items to avoid in the Philippines include pig's blood
soup (DINUGUAN); bull's testicles soup, the strangely-named "SOUP NUMBER
FIVE" (I dread to think what numbers one through four are); and the
ubiquitous, stinky shrimp paste, BAGOONG, and it's equally stinky sister
PATIS. Filipinos are so addicted to these latter items that they will
even risk arrest or deportation trying to smuggle them into countries
like Australia and USA, which wisely ban the importation of items you can
smell from more 100 paces.

Then there's the small matter of the purple ice cream. I have never
been able to get my brain around eating purple food; the ubiquitous UBE
leaves me cold.

And lastly on the subject of weird food, beware: that KALDERETANG
KAMBING (goat) could well be KALDERETANG ASO (dog).

The Filipino, of course, has a well-developed sense of food. Here's a
typical Pinoy food joke: "I'm on a seafood diet. "What's a seafood
diet? "When I see food, I eat it!"

Filipinos also eat strange bits of animals --- the feet, the head, the
guts, etc., usually barbecued on a stick. These have been given witty
names, like "ADIDAS" (chicken's feet); "KURBATA" (either just chicken's
neck, or "neck and thigh" as in "neck-tie"); "WALKMAN" (pig's ears);
"PAL" (chicken wings); "HELMET" (chicken head); "IUD" (chicken
intestines), and "BETAMAX" (video-cassette-like! blocks of animal blood).
Yum, yum. Bon appetit.

"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" - (Proverbs
22:1)

When I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the
first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has
provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The
first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here
has nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom , we have nicknames
in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to
say, to lose them.

The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls
and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly
cutesy for anyone over about five. Fifty-five-year-olds colleague put
it. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy
would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never
make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes,
Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one
bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell
names".

These are nicknames that sound like - well, doorbells. There are
millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more
common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell
like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on.
Even our newly appointed chief of police has a doorbell name Ping . None
of these doorbell names exist where I come from, and hence sound
unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear.

Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was
called Bing, replied, "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless
logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I
come from "dong" is a slang word for well; perhaps "talong" is the best
Tagalog equivalent.

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before
encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or
Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one:
Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the
"squared" symbol as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a
while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming
their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the
same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy.

More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of
assonance or rhyme, as Biboy, Boboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse
the more kids there are-best to be born early or you could end up being a
Baboy)

Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple
Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). cars
like Mercedes and celeste, but Toyota and Nissan are baptized with gas or
diesel, The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great
painted across your trunk if you're a cab driver.

That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila - taxis
with the driver's kids names on the trunk.

Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the
phenomenon of the "composite" name. This includes names like Jejomar
(for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda ( for Luzon,
Visayas and Mindanao, believe it or not) That's a bit like me being
called something like "Engscowani" (for England , Scotland , Wales and
Northern Ireland ). Between you and me I'm glad I'm not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly
inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I
have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of
class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations
like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. O how about Jhun-Jun (Jhun2)?

How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names
like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination
and exoticism rule the world of names.

Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelievably
named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where
else in the world could that really be true?

Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called
Cardinal Sin?

Where else but the Philippines ! only in the Philippines

Note: Philippines has a senator called Joker, and it is his legal name.

WELCOME TO COÑOTICA

2006-12-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

WELCOME TO COÑOTICA
by Christian R. Vallez

Welcome, mga friends, to Coñotica-an academic community na built on the foundations of liberal education at corporate culture. Yup. This is Coñotica. Ang ideal place kung saan ipe-prepare ka for the corporate world!

Coñotica is an academic institution na where two of its goals is to make-turo the corporate culture and to make us gawa community development. Of course, siyempre, marami pang pillars ang Coñotica pero two lang ito sa maraming goals.

Pero wait lang. Bago ka maka make martsa sa graduation from Coñotica, you must learn the wika. Kasi, you know, ang language ng coñotica ang number one feature nito. Ito ang magiging primary tool to make you handa to face the real world.

Kailangan mong ma-master ang wika ng Coñotica? Why? It is the only way para ma-bridge natin ang gap ng corporate world at ng real world. Hmm. Medyo bomalabs ba? Can't make-kita huh? Gan'to 'yan. Kasi the corporate world uses English bilang language niya. Language kasi yan ng mga elitists lalo na ang mga rich di ba? Duh?! Where ka nakakita ng corporate level na meeting in Tagalog? That is so third world!

Meanwhile, sa real world, kung saan the students of Coñotica needs to apply the community development, Tagalog ang linggo. At hindi lang basta tagalog! It's street language or salitang-kanto. So how are we gonna make-ugnay the corporate world and the real world?

Tada! That is where papasok ang lengguahe ng Coñotica! Hindi lang siya simple Taglish. Hybrid siya ng Taglish, Elitist, English at salitang-kanto. And iyan ang minimake-aral ng mga estudyante ng Coñotica!

How very noble! Nagmake-imbento ang Coñotica ng isang exclusive language para ma make-ugnay ang corporate world at ang poor. In that way, magagawa na nila ang community development. Because somehow, the students can make-intindi to the poor the ideas of the corporate world through the language.

Ngayon, let me give the basics of the language. You know, it is very easy actually. It is very similar to Jessica Zafra's icoñography.

First, try mo na i-end o i-start ang sentence with a -ly word. Tulad ng actually, basically, at primarily, essentially, at iba pa.

For example: Actually, you've made her kwento na that e!

Second, i-insert mo in as many instances as possible ang the word like. Madalas, kadikit ito ng phrase na you know!

Example: Like you know...when you like...ask someone...like a teacher...how to like...for example...like...

Pangatlo is the use of the verb phrase make. Ito ang one of the important features ng language. To do this, kelangang may
tagalog verb after the word make. Minsan, inuulit ang tagalog word, minsan hindi. Actually, depende yon sa length ng word.

Halimbawa: Can you make-paalam naman for me.
Inuulit: Eeek! Can you make-apak-apak the ipis o!

Of course, onomatopoeic words are pwede: I have to go! My driver's making me pot-pot na!

Religious din ang language na ito because in most cases lalo na pag excited ang students, they always pray: My God! Nakita mo yung crush ko? He was making kaway na kanina to me; Oh my God! I'm bagsak na naman sa math test!; at pag irritated sa seatmate: God! Will you stop making me kalabit?

Lastly, pag naubusan na ng words or examples and stuff, you can use the words things, stuff, something, at pasukan mo ulit ng you know. Halimbawa ay...uhm...ah...basta you know like...uhm...stuff and things like...something like...ah...wala akong maisip eh. Basta something like that.

Ayan, you can now survive Coñotica and fulfill your roles in community development. Mas madali na nating i-fulfill ang roles natin as tulay to the poor. Wag mong kalimutang i-add ang basic icoñography na jake, pare, ijo de, whaw, sheht at coño. Pag namaster mo na ang lahat ng ito, pwede ka nang mag make martsa and be liberally educated Coñotica student ready to face the corporate world!

__________________

Tales from the Coño Side

2006-12-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

Tales from the Coño Side
By Wanna Fellacio Torero

It's so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor. You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga. Eh 'di I went.

But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang. Would you believe, there's no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn't work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn't make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay.

Do you feel my pain na ba? But wait, there's more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy's Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they're mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there's an increase in pamasahe 'di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.

Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It's so kadiri talaga. I'm forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that plce
otherwise) pero I'm so inis because it's so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don't have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn't have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.

My gosh, this place is so bulok I don't know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had aptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need for whiteboards diba? But you know evevn if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.

Now I'm in my third year na. I don't want to stay in this place anymore. I don't give a paki if UP's the best university here. I'm gonig to transfer to La Salle, where the CRs have liquid soap. Now na.

Coniotics 101

2006-12-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

Coniotics 101: Deconstructing a hybrid language
By Catherine Young
of the Inquirer News Service

"OUCH...grabe, it's so init! Like being made sunog in a microwave! Manang, can you make me paypay before I get himatay on the yucky ground? Please..."

Laugh all you want, but these days, more and more of the young (and old) are infected with this "coniotic language," a linguistic disease that unobtrusively spreads in certain parts of the metropolis, a mode of speaking that has been the subject of meticulously compiled jokes and forwarded e-mails, such as the quote above.

Spanish connection

Etymology-wise, the term conio is derived from the Spanish word for the female organ. Professor Rene Salvana, who teaches Spanish at the University of the East, said that in Spain, the term has evolved into a collection of bad expressions that connote animosity and vulgarity.
Perhaps this could be the reason why we use the term coniotic for people who code-switch from Tagalog to English and back in a melodramatic fashion. The grammar and the sentence structure from this hybrid "language" are far from praise-worthy--one would hardly use this language during job interviews if one wanted to be taken seriously. "Coniotics" is essentially used informally. It is at times characterized by a whiny or a pidgin ala-Doña-Victorina-de-Espadana accent.

Code-switching two languages can be very convenient; indeed, if coniotics were officially a language, it would have the easiest grammar to pick up. By simply joining the English verb "make" with the base form or repeating form of a Filipino verb, or by placing a Filipino word in an English sentence, by God, you are on your way to "making tusok-tusok the fishballs."

Greatest hits

For the most part, students from private exclusive schools were the ones who popularized this linguistic trend. Common, and admittedly hilarious, are the times when we hear people say, "Can you just make potpot the car?" when talking to their drivers. Lunchtime conversations with their schoolmates may go like this: "Grabe, I made iyak so much when I made lakwatsa in Mega and saw 'Serendipity'!" Furthermore: "I'm like so sawa na with all those romantic movies. I want to go shopping nga eh, but my mommy made putol my credit card; kakaasar debba?"

The jeepney is also a great place to catch coniotic phrases. A girl who is not used to commuting cannot tell the driver "Para" to get off. She may say, "At the corner, tigil." Since the driver may not understand her, the girl will scream, "Stop lang, please!"

Even some teachers are catching the virus. While most make it a point to speak straight English or fluent Filipino, it is easy to make a slip when teachers are surrounded by people who constantly speak that way. Of course, one cannot forget the classics "Form a straight circle" or "Pass your assignment tomorrow--right now!" These are not strictly coniotic, but also frowned upon in the academe.

Parents, too, are not spared, it seems. I was speechless when my dad told me "You make butas the hole." I forget what that conversation was about; my mind was reeling when I heard my own father speaking this way. However, when the situation sank in five minutes after, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

Hybrid theories

I could not really find a single reference on why many people speak this way. Nor could I find the accepted scientific term for it. But it is clear that it is the elite that largely employs this so-called dialect.
Arnold Alamon, an instructor at the Department of Sociology in UP Diliman, has an idea on how this came about. Its roots may be traced to as far back as the '70s and '80s, when there was a rising middle class. The upstart English-speaking nouveau riche soon became busier, consequently having to hire Tagalog-speaking maids to care for their kids. Since the English-speaking kids had to use local words to communicate to their yaya, they started speaking in a mixture of English and local language. When they went to exclusive schools, they infected others with their quaint speech.

Familiarity and repetition, evidently, are very powerful in forming a language.
Alamon adds that there could be other factors as well. It could be an attempt of a generation to define itself, since the '70s and the '80s were decades of excess and, as such, it was important to have a place in the social hierarchy. The creation of a new way of speaking became the generation's means to show off their social status.

Whatever the cause may have been, it is clear that no matter how irritating or amusing it seems, coniotics connotes affluence. What may have started as a fad is now yet another indicator of the cultural and social rift, at least in the metropolis. Even respected newscasters and celebrities are known to use it. The "jologs" (hoi polloi) of society may laugh at and mimic them, but these coniotics-speaking people may not necessarily see themselves as linguistically disabled. Rather, they see it as an indicator of their socio-economic class; they may even deliberately speak this way--they certainly don't bother to correct themselves.

In fact, it is interesting to see that among the coniotics group, there are the legitimate and the fake. The legitimate can see through the phony ones, although it might not be very obvious to the rest of us. Non-coniotics adopt the mode of speaking of the majority just to fit in. In the same manner, the coniotics may want to shift their ways, i.e., speak in straight Filipino, if the situation is turned around.

Real or not, coniotics is a product of societal relations. Language should technically be used by about a million people to pass as a language; but it is apparent that coniospeak has come to represent a small subculture.

Coñotations

2006-12-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Coñotations*
by Paolo Manalo

1. I'm like tripping right now I have suitcase fever.

2. Dude, man, pare, three people can be the same.

3. Except he's not who he says he is, pare. He's a sneeze with Chinese blood: Ha-Ching!

4. Naman, it's like our Tagalog accent, so they won't think we're all airs; so much weight it means nothing naman.

5. Dude, man, pare, at the next stop we'll make buwelta. So they can see we know how to look where we came from.

6. It's hirap kaya to find a connection. Who ba's puwede to be our guide?

7. Dude, man, can you make this areglo naman?

8. Make it pabalot kaya in the mall. So they can't guess what you're thinking. That's what I call a package deal.

9. Who says 'coz should be shot.

10. Only kolehiyalas make tusok the fishballs. Us guys, dude, pare, we make them tuhog.

11. Talaga, she said she'd sleep with you? Naman pare, when she says talaga, it means she's lying.

12. Hey, wala namang like that-an.
Reply With Quote

26 sablay questions

2006-12-12T08:14:00.000-08:00

1. I couldn't care a damn!

2. What's your next class before this?(ANO DAW???!!!)

3. Nothing in this world is perfect except the word "change"

4. Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?
(ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!)

5. My dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs! (Translation: Daming
pasalubong ng tatay ko.)

6. Standard and Chartered Bank

7. I'm very iterated!!! (transalation: galit sya!)

8. I'm sorry, my boss just passed away. (translation: kakadaan lang ng boss
nya.)

9. Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?

10. What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?

11. Don't touch me not!

12. Hello?... For a while, please hang yourself...

13. Its spilled milk under the bridge.

14. Don't change anything! Keep it at ease.

15. Hello McDo? Mag-i-inquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidney meal? (yung
pangbatang pagkain)

16. You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore!

17. Out of fit ako these days eh... (translation: di sya
nakakapag-exercise)

18. Come, lets join us!

19. Bring down the house down!

20. I'm the world champion of the World!!!

21. What's the matter for you?

22. What's the funny all about!?

23. Have a sit down.

24. You, you, and you - the both of you three - come here!

25. For what for? (famous "Para saan pa?" ni K.F.) hehehe

26. Class, let's form a straight cirlce.

Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita:

2006-12-12T08:13:00.000-08:00

Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita:

KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....

"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."

"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?

"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."

"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?

"Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po."

"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"

"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."

"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"

"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."

"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"

"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."

"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"

"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."

"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"

"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."

"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan 'yung kandila?"

"Para sa burol po."

"Ano? Kaninong burol?

"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Nabaril ko po."

Sulat ng anak sa kanyang daddy...

2006-12-12T08:12:00.001-08:00

Sulat ng anak sa kanyang daddy...

Daddy,,,,

Ipagpaumanhin nyo ni Mommy ang pagsulat ko sa inyo
para ipaalam na akoy aalis na sa inyong poder.
Ako'y sasama na sa aking bagong boyfriend na si
Mark dahil gusto kong takasan na kayo ni Mommy. Natagpuan ko na kay Mark and tunay na pagmamahal at napakabait nya sa akin, napaka malambing nya hindi tulad ng iba kong naging boyfriend. Alam ko na pag nakilala nyo sya ay magugustuhan nyo din siya, lalo na ang kanyang mga hikaw, tattoo nya sa lahat ng parte ng kanyang katawan at ang pang motorsiklo nyang damit.

Hindi lang sa pagkakaiba nya Dad kaya ko sya mahal na mahal, eto ay dahil sa buntis ako at sabi ni Mark na gusto nyang magkaanak sya sa akin para lalo kaming sumaya sa aming pagsasama. Kahit na matanda sya sa akin (42 na sya Dad, di pa naman matanda sa ngayon and edad nya
diba?) kahit na wala syang pera, di naman eto hadlang sa aming relasyon,
hindi ba Dad? Syanga pala Dad, maraming CD collection si Mark, meron din
syang trailer na truck na kung saan doon kami magsasama, pinakang bahay na namin ang trailer, at marami na rin syang stock na panggatong para magamit namin sa buong buwan ng taglamig. Totoo na meron pa syang ibang girlfriend pero alam ko na magiging tapat sya sa akin sa kanyang sariling pamamaraan, sa katunayan gusto nyang marami kaming anak at eto ang isa sa aking ambisyon. Tinuruan na nga pala nya akong humithit ng marijuana at masarap ang pakiramdam, sa katunayan nagtanim na sya para ipagpalit sa aming mga kaibigan ng shabu, ecstasy na gusto namin.

Dad,

sana

ipagdasal mo na matuklasan na ang gamot sa AIDS para gumaling na si Mark, kasi deserving naman sya na gumaling!! Huwag kang mag alala Dad 15 years old na ako at alam ko na kung paano pangalagaan ang aking sarili.

Makikita mo Dad, ipagmamalaki mo rin ako at balang araw bibisita kami sa
inyo para naman makilala mo ang iyong mga apo.

Nagmamahal mong anak,

Clarence

PS: Dad, hindi totoo mga sinabi ko sa sulat. Nandito lang ako sa kapitbahay, pinapaalala ko lang sa iyo na mas marami pang dapat ikatakot sa buhay kesa aking report card na nasa drawer. Pakipirmahan na lang po at tawagan ako kung safe na akong umuwi dyan sa bahay.

What Religion is Your Bra?

2006-12-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.
What type of bra?" asked the clerk. Type?" inquires the man, "There's more
than one type? Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of
bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even
with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose
from. Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: There
are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist
types. Which one would you prefer. Now totally befuddled, the man asked
about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all
really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
(B} Barely there.
(C} Can't Complain!
(D} Dang!
(DD} Double dang!
(E} Enormous!
(F} Fake.
(G} Get a Reduction.
(H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

Fact Facts

2006-12-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains

Polar bears are left-handed.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

sulat kay manay letty

2006-12-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Manay Letty,

May ihihingi akong payo sa iyo kaya sana mabigyan mo ako ng
magandang sagot
sa problema ko. Simple lang naman eh. Naguguluhan lang kasi ako. Ang
fish
ball ba ay bayag ng isda? O sige hanggang sa muli!

Doc Trina

********************

Dear Doc Trina,

Napaghahalata sa tanong mo na isa kang malaswang babae, at wala kang
nasasa-isip kung hindi mga itlog ng lalake. Malamang isa kang
pokpok. Gayun
pa man ay sasagutin ko ang iyong katanungan, dahil mukhang tatanga-
tanga ka
talaga. Para sa iyong kaalaman, ang fish ball ay hindi bayag ng isda.

Sana ay naliwanagan ka sa aking sagot, at aasahan ko ang iyong muling
pagsulat.

Para sa iyo, Doc Trina: Y.E.M.E.N. - Yugyugan Every Morning, Every
Night.
Nagmamahal forever,

Manay Letty

********************

Dear Manay Letty,

Isa akong 38-years old na babae, single at mayaman. Pagkatapos ng
mahabang
panahong tigang, may nanliligaw ulit sa akin ngayon, si Romy. Mukha
naman
siyang mabait pero hindi ko siya masyadong gusto dahil, uhm, pangit
siya.
Ngunit sa edad kong ito, nais ko na sanang makapag-asawa, at baka si
Romy na
ang last chance ko. Ano ang aking dapat gawin?

Jogalyn

********************

Dear Jogalyn,

Huwag ka nang mag-inarte at sigurado akong hindi ka naman kagandahan.
Pangalan mo pa lang jologs na jologs na. Magpasalamat ka na lang at
may
gusto pang pumatol sa 'yo kahit guranggutan ka na. Anyway, hindi mo
dapat
isipin na si Romy na ang last chance mo para lumagay sa tahimik,
Jogalyn.
Dahil hindi ka naman papakasalan nun, pera mo lang ang habol niya at
iiwanan
ka din balang-araw. Huwag ka nang mag-ilusyon na makapag-aasawa ka
pa at
dapat ngayon pa lang ay tanggapin mo na na tatanda kang dalaga
habangbuhay.

Sana ay napaligaya ka ng aking tugon sa iyong problema.

Para sa iyo, Jogalyn: B.A.L.I.W.A.G. - Beauty And Love I Will Always
Give.

Nagmamahal forever,

Manay Letty

********************

Dear Manay Letty,

Isa akong gwapong chickboy at dalawa ang aking girlfriends. Minsan ay
nagkasabay sila sa isang lugar di ko kasi lam. Tuloy inaaway nila
ako ngayon
at gusto ng makipag-break. Kaya nga kailangan ko ang iyong tulong.

Edgar

********************

Dear Edgar,

Walang kwenta ang liham mo kaya ayokong sagutin. Huwag ka ng susulat
ulit
dito at inaaksaya mo lang ang panahon ko, leche ka.

Edgar, dahil ang sabi mo ay gwapo ka, at mahilig si Manay Letty sa
gwapo,
ito ang para sa iyo: P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S. - Pumping Hot...I Love
It!
Please, Please...I Need Erotic Stimulation!

Nagmamahal forever,

Manay Letty

********************

Dear Manay Letty,

Nais kong ikuwento sa inyo ang namagitan sa min ng aking itay isang
gabi.
Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kahit anong bahagi ng gabing iyon.
Malakas ang
ulan noon. Katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang ako
sa loob
ng aking kuwarto.

Narinig ko si Itay na kumakatok sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang
pinto ay
sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming magusap. Pinapasok ko naman po
siya
dahil ama ko po siya. Nagulat na lamang ako nang isarado at
ikinandado niya
ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang braso ko. Napasigaw ako, sabi
ko "ITAY
huwag, anak mo ako!". Ngunit hindi tumigil ang aking Itay.
Ipinagpatuloy
niya ang kanyang ginawa. Pumikit na lamang ako dahil sa ayaw kong
makita ang
mukha nang aking tatay sa kababuyan na kanyang ginagawa. Naririnig
ko si
Inay na binubulabog ang pinto. Sumisigaw na, "Hayop ka wag mong
gawin yan sa
anak mo!" Ngunit wala pa rin.

Pagkalagpas ng ilang sandali ay natapos din ang aking Itay. Nang
humarap ako
sa salamin ay nagulat ako sa aking nakita.

Magaling naman pala mag-make-up si Itay. Noong gabi na iyon ay
nagladlad ng
kapa si Itay. Natuwa ako at mahusay ang kanyang ginawa. Naisip ko na
matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil sa ganda ko. Nagyakapan kami doon
at
nag-iyakan. Masaya na kami ngayon at walang problema.

Lubos na gumagalang,

Badong

********************

Dear Badong,

Wala akong masabi sa liham mo kundi...PANALO!!!

Para sa iyo, Badong: B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.

Nagmamahal forever,

Manay Letty

********************

Dear Manay Letty,

Mayroon akong anak na ubod ng landi. Mas makati pa sa higad ang
hitad, wala
nang pinatawad, pati mga magbabalut pinapatulan. Kung minsan nga'y
nahuhuli
ko pa sa may gulayan sa aming bakuran, kasama ang mga tanim naming
talong at
upo. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa haliparot kong anak, hiyang-
hiya na ako
sa ibang tao.

Desperate

********************

Dear Desperate,

Itay naman sabi nang huwag na kayong susulat dito eh! Malaki na ako,
hayaan
nyo na ako sa gusto ko sa buhay. Matipuno naman yung mga magbabalut
sa atin,
tsaka friends lang kami nun.

Namatay na nga pala si Tiya Dely, hayun successful naman ang libing.
Kamusta
na si Inay? Utang na loob patigilin nyo na sa pag-aararo si Inay.

Para sa iyo, Itay: P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.

At pakisabi kay Daniel, yung magtataho sa atin: P.A.R.A.N.A.Q.U.E. -
Please
Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy.

Nagmamahal forever,

Manay Letty

********************
Hanggang dito na lamang po sa linggong ito, because I'm tired and I'm
pretty. Sana ay antabayan niyo ang mga susunod pang liham na aming
ilalathala dito. Nawa'y magpatuloy ang inyong pagdulog at pagsulat
sa...
Dear Manay Letty.

Ngunit bago ako magpaalam, nais ko sanang mag-iwan ng isang munting
mensahe
hindi lamang para sa lahat ng mga masugid na sumusubaybay sa Dear
Manay
Letty, kundi pati na din para sa aking sarili at sa aking One and
Only, na
itatago ko na lang sa pangalang Vanilla Milkshake.

So, para sa inyo, dear readers: L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You
Also.

Para naman sa akin: P.A.S.A.Y. - Pretty And Sexy Are You.

Heto pa isa: E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!

At para kay Vanilla Milkshake: I.M.U.S. - I Miss U, Sweetheart. Ito
po ang
inyong Manay Letty na nagpapaalam at nagsasabing...toodles!

Ikaw ba ay nalulungkot, nababalisa, walang makausap? Humingi na ng
payo kay
Manay Letty!

SEXY GIRL OF DM

2006-12-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

This letter was found in Cable Car (a resto in Makati and in Alabang) a few years back. Someone must have left the letter after dining there. The person who picked it up decided to copy it word for word and sent it around, thus the e-mail spread.)

To Margie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you’re very fat body. I’m thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks and always calling to their house what time he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met you either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very, very, very fat body what do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Mari Chan even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names before in front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, ! but if you start already to calling me different name, I’m don’t have any other choice but to called you other different name like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING. You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I’m am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.

P.s. You say that I’m the bad breath but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the Final is me.

The Best Answers Pageant Questions

2006-12-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

The Best Answers Pageant Questions

Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.

+++

Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.

+++

Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....

+++

Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)

+++

The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"

+++

(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!

+++

Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.

+++

Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.

+++

Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.

+++

Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!

+++

Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.

+++

Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!

+++

Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!

+++

Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.

+++

(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!

+++

Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!

+++

(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?

+++

Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!

+++

Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!

+++

Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)

+++

Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?

+++

Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.

+++

Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.

+++

Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!

+++

Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.

+++

Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!

+++

Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.

+++

Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!

+++

Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!

+++

Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.

+++

Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!

+++

Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!

+++

Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!

+++

Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?

S T O P M E ! ! ! !

2006-12-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

Reporter: "Is it true that he courted you?"
J. Rosendahl (viva hotbabe): "No, he DIDN'T COURTED me."
OH PLEASE!!!

------------

Reporter: "So, anong klaseng movie ito?"
Miles (another bobitang viva hotbabe): "This is a TRILOGY STORY."
ANO DAW YUN?!

--------------

Reporter: " Tungkol saan tong movie and what role do you play?"
Another bobita viva hotbabe: "This movie is a travel document.."
" I role as..."
--- dapat sana ay documentary...
UTANG NA LOOB!!!!

-----------

Reporter: "Anong masasabi mo about the issue surrounding your brother?"
Melanie Marquez: " My brother talaga is pro-accident."
ANAK NG BUHAY!!!

-----------------

Reporter: Anong masasabi mo tungkol sa planong pagban ng cd nyo.
Hotbabe: Wag nyo naman po sanang I-VAN ang cd namin... (Anong gusto mo itruck!)

-----------------

booba: antonette, ang puti mo naman
antonette:oo, my father is from ohio ** e.
booba:tlga?!?! e d ka nman mukang japanese eh!!!

--------------

sa loob ng asian spirit, biglang medyo umalog yung plane, tumayo yung tour guide namin:

TourGuide: Ladies and Gentlemen , TURBULENCE!!!

For all passengers who know to swim, please go to the right side of the plane,
For those who don't know how to swim
Thank you for flying with Asian Spirit

-----------------

"There are four branches of the government. There's the executive, and the legislative, and the judicial -- and the Bill of Rights."
- a senator from Nebraska, Republican

"The reason I believe in a large tax cut... is because it's what I believe.."
- President George W. Bush

"A vast majority of our imports come from other countries..."
- President George W. Bush

-----------------

another viva hot babe said
"i'm half american, half spanish and half pinay!"

-----------------

Osang to Manay Lolit @ The Buzz:

Osang: Ito lang ang masasabi ko sa kanya (Manay Lolit) dahil tinawag nya akong baboy. Ito tinuro pa sa akin ng tatay ko nung bata pa ako, ang baboy, pakainin mo man ng perlas baboy pa rin"

-----------

reporter: what's your edge among other sexy stars?

starlet: edge? EDAD? aba, eh mas bata ako sa kanila

-----------

kay Melanie Marquez, "Don't give me a calling card, I am not a call girl!"

------------

Mga originals daw ni Melanie Marquez:
"annulled and void"
"mute and academic"
"c'mon, let's join us"
"you're barking at the wrong dog"
"I'm only human nature"
"don't touch me not"
"I could not care a damn"
"it's as brand as new"
"you want to eat your cake and bake it too?"
"in every man's success, is a woman's behind"

Pampasakit lang ng tyan para matawa kayo.....

2006-12-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

Katya Santos, on the controversial Viva Hot Babes VCD: Eighteen year old ABOVE and PATAAS lang ang pwedeng makabili nitong VCD.

(So kung 17 below and pababa, hindi pwede, di ba?)
-----

Kris Aquino, interviewing Jessa Zaragoza: Jessa, how would you describe Dingdong in three words?

Jessa: Kris, kahit one word lang -- MY LIFE!

-----

Heart Evangelista, reading a letter request at Myx: Dear Heart, I'd like to request the song blah blah... Of course, we will grant your request. You know, everything is possible... WITH GOD!

-----

Boy Abunda, interviewing "Ssshhh...She Walks By Night" star Belinda Bright: Belinda, what is this movie about?

Belinda: It's actually a Film Mwah!

Boy: Pardon me?

Belinda: A Film Mwah, we consider it a film, not a movie.

Boy: Ano ulit yun, iha?

Belinda: A Film.. mmm.. it's an Art Film.

(Film Noir, Belinda, and to think you are Bright!)

-----

The Buzz: When asked about her ethnicity, a sexy star replied:

"half SPANYOL, half American, half Filipino"

-----

Melanie Marquez: Tito Boy, I want to tell this sa biyanan ko in english... ksi di siya nakakaintindi ng tagalog e. kahit one line lang

Boy Abunda: Ok Melanie go ahead

Melanie Marquez: Mrs. Dee..I've been wanting to tell you this for a long long time....ang labo mo!!!

-------

april boy regarding his carnapped van (last sunday showbiz show, s-files) : sa sinumang kumuha ng van ko, pakisoli na lang. papalitan ko na lang iyon ng sumbrero at bagong CD ko.

-------

DaniloBarrios: Kahit ano naman po kumakain ako, beef, pork, chicken, fish..

Kris Aquino: aaa...gulay ko kumakain ka?

DaniloBarrios: ay opo, vegetarian din po ako

Kris Aquino: parang naguluhan ako dun a? aa...u eat everything noh?

DaniloBarrios: opo opo

--------

i am not g.r. "

- angelika jones

tsaka..

"hoy robin, ang ganda naman ng kasama mo.. si Ann CORTIS"

tas sabi ng background..

"CORTIS. Bakeett? Kamag anak nia ba si Rez CORTIS?"

- angelika jones pa den

---------------

once when april boy regino is plugging his show ....

April: manood po kayo ng show ko sa ARANETA KOLISYUM(araneta coliseum)

TAG-LISH Diksyonary

2006-12-12T08:02:00.000-08:00

01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
07) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is
leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata
sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit,
eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch,
eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a
balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...